Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
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Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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