I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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