Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize