My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize