I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
operation harelip BJ is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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