my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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