just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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