Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"it" just moved
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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