Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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