So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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