I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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