I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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I think a kid would responsible me up
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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