My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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