I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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