don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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