could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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