i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize