i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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