I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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