I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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