Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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