I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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