Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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