Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize