My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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