dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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