I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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