I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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