1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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