Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize