watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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