The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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