i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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