So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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