you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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