I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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