I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize