She is in my trunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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