cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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