found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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