Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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