Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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