happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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