I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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