Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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