Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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