I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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