And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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