My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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