Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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